tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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