I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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