she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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