just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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