I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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