Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
