Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Randomize
