So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Just pee around me
My breasts were aching with rage.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
