Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
