Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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