she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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