My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize