I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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