I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
