I want to walk on stilts...naked
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
My feet surprised me
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
