Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
