I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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