***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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