I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
