giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
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