I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
