angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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