i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
