Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize