He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
