Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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