I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
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