i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
