They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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