so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
