and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
