Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
