Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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