I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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