there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
