last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You pole danced in your parka.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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