I think i sorta joined a cult last night
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
