How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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