She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Randomize
