Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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