Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
