I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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