Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
