you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
