well you can't waste a boner
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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