you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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