They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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