this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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