Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
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