i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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