He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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