the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
We need a shit load of segways right now
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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