How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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