Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
