somebody snuck up and got me drunk
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
pray to the hookup gods
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
