i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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