I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
