Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Randomize
