I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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