i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
