Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
