Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
