i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
