im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
