I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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