she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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