Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Randomize
