So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
