Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Randomize
