I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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