You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
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