Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
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