Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
