If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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