I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
