PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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