1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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