the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
