So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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