Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
