i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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