so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
