Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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