I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
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