If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize