Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
where am i from again
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
