He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
