It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
