I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
