my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
