It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
