is your mom at the bar?
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
