I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
